Dan and Chip Heath have written yet another book in their signature style. I love how their books are structured around one big central idea that is the hub with sub-concepts as spokes sticking out. In, Power of Moments, they explain how certain moments stay with us long after they are over and how can we create more such moments for ourselves and people around us.
The return on investment from creating definitive moments is clear and proven but creating more memorable moments should be a goal in and of itself. Let’s dive into the recipe of a definitive moment. The 4 spokes of definitive moments can be thought of as the short form EPIC.
ElevatE
The most important takeaway from the book is that we have the power to transform any moment to a defining moment by elevating it and making it more than an everyday thing. This sounds obvious but how many memorable moments can we come up with from the last week (I think not many if not 0). Here’s three simple ways in which we can do this.
- Boost sensory appeal – make it extraordinary and slightly over the top but don’t overdo. While boosting something, focus on the meaning.
- Raise the stakes – make it a game and add some pressure (time limits, downsides, prizes, etc)
- Break the script – make it surprising and unexpected (think free food, gifts, going out for a meeting, dressing up, etc)
Ideally one should aim for using all three but at least two are absolutely needed to elevate any moment.
Pride
Moments where we feel pride also etch in our psyche deeply. Pride is a strong emotion and we underuse it a lot. Here’s three ways in which we can engineer moments of pride.
- Recognise moments of achievement – be open to celebrating other people’s proud moments like children’s graduations, promotions, accomplishments, etc.
- Give people a sense of progress by leveling up – Any task can be turned into a game whose levels and milestones are intrinsically motivating. Progressing through these levels keeps pushing us forward as we enjoy tiny jolts of success. Very loosely speaking, more milestones, mean more possible moments of pride.
- Moments of courage are particularly powerful and we can practice courage by making tiny steps towards our overall brave goals. This is useful for our creating defining moments for our own self. Looking to do something brave? Make a step by step plan and start practicing courage.
Insights
Defining moments can often come from realisation of something (“i am going to marry this person”, “I never knew I was so bad at managing people”, etc) and as you might have guessed by now, these too can be engineered. A leader can make a truth evident by making people realise it (but not say it). Questioning people or indulging them in experiments to help them “trip over the truth” is a very powerful device. The goal is to dramatise the problem in some way and let people discover their own insights. Often times, leaders need to push people so they may learn something about themselves. The right way to push someone is to give them two things
- High standards – to help them push in the right direction with the right expectations
- Assurance – that you’re there to help and that they can’t fail
Connection
Moments of connection with others leave us energised. Our deep connections with people around us give us opportunities to create many moments of shared meanings (think believing in a common purpose, intense experiences in a team or even inside jokes) that bind us together. There’s enough research out there that explains why painful rituals (like fraternity hazing) seems to bind people together and while that is not we should shoot for, it does validate the importance of rituals with a certain meaning, in creating strong connections.
The simplest way to connect to someone is via responsive treatment that leaves people more emotionally satisfied. We all seek care, validation, attachment, understanding and other positive emotions from people around us and when we get it, we connect.
One of the most interesting lifehack I took away from this book is to ask “what matters to you”. It is such an elegant way to peep into another person’s psyche and make an instant connection. Finally, Brené Brown wrote about the importance of vulnerability in Daring Greatly in some detail and it, alongside responsiveness is a phenomenal combo for making authentic connections that lead to more defining moments.
I run a startup called Harmonize. We are hiring and if you’re looking for an exciting startup journey, please write to jobs@harmonizehq.com. Apart from this blog, I tweet about startup life and practical wisdom in books.